sunday Mornin' Hope : Are YOU Listening to Me?

Have you ever been asked that? Have you ever asked that of someone else? Hearing and listening are two totally seperate actions. You can hear many sounds at the same time, but only listen to one in particular. When my wife asks me that, I know I'm busted. But, if she's in another room talking, I'm off the hook. My rule is "If you can't see my eyes, don't expect my ears to hear you." And that rule works only part of the time. If she's really mad, all 'rules' are out the window. How many times have I said or asked something from another room away? Probably one too many.



To learn to communicate better is one of my 'new year's resolutions. I want to learn to listen better and communicate with her in the language that she has learned. Patty's "Love Language" (Five Love languages-Gary Chapman) is acts of service. In other words, she expresses her love by doing things for people. Mine is quality time. So, when she's doing this or that for me, she's telling me 'I love you.' And also when she's NOT, then she is showing me her love tank is empty. Then if I start doing things for her, she is receiving deposits in her love bank and my approval rating soars. But if I dis her or NOT do the things she likes/expects; I better start looking for a flower shop.



A few weeks ago I just happened to do almost everything right. As I was riding my bike I heard the Lord speak to me. He said "Dino! I'm so pleased with you. I want to give you one of the desires of your heart." I thought for a moment and responded, "God! You know my heart. But since you asked; I'd like a road to ride on from here to Hawaii so I can see my nephew and his family." A long pause, then God said "Dino! You're asking a for something that is way too selfish. Come back tomorrow with something else, after you've thought long and hard about it." The next day I heard the voice of God again while I was riding to work. "Dino! I'm still pleased with your heart. What would you ask of me?" I responded "Father! Forgive me of my prideful ways. If I've found pleasure in Your eyes, teach me about my wife Patty. I want to know why she does things. Why does she act or react the way she does. Explain to me the mysteries of her heart." Again a long pause then God spoke "Did you want two lanes or four?"



Book of James
Chapter 1 -
1:19 - This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger;

I think James must've been married and was challenged with speaking too soon. Here he says we are to be quick to hear what is being said. In other words, shut down everything else and focus on what is being said. Don't load your reasons or excuses while they are talking. If you're wrong, accept and agree. Now here's the hard part. If you're actually right, you're still wrong. Because they didn't understand it. Guys, we are bad communicators. Have you ever noticed, women can do three things at once; and do it well? Women generally talk three times more than men. That's because before birth, males have 'dain bramage' as a result of a testosterone bath in their brain (Dr. James Dobson-Focus on the Family). This burns some of their communication skills. That's why men often reply, "Huh." to a very important statement/question given by their wife.

But don't walk away from confrontation (like I did our first 25 yrs of marriage). I had to re learn how to argue or express my feelings. My father was an avoider, therefore so was I. When my wife was upset with me, my 'walls' went up. Eventually I found the reason to talk back to her. She actually enjoys talking it out. Sometimes I even say "You're just wrong!" (and be quick to duck). Learn how to speak up and not get angry. Don't be nonconfrontational. Speak your mind.


I hope this year you learn to successfully talk and listen to your spouse. Walk a mile in their shoes before you criticise or accuse. And even if they're WRONG, weigh the possible results before speaking.



Remember to make this the best year yet. I'm praying for you.



Dino

Amen. I wish this was something I had learned about 40 years ago.

Good words Dino. Thank you!

Dino, You are in-touch. Thank you. You are a rock.

spot on dino , thanks

thanks Dino